Rejection is just part of the process.

Rejection and criticism are inevitable parts of being a writer. No matter how good your writing is, you will always encounter people who don't like it, don't understand it, or don't appreciate it. But that doesn't mean you should give up on your passion or let the negative feedback get you down.

For years, and I'm not talking a couple of years, I'm talking decades, I let two people's comments in particular hold me back.

The first was a complete stranger who I'd never met. I'd uploaded a screenplay to a feedback site. I was getting great reviews and then this one stopped me in my tracks. The reviewer said many disparaging things about my writing but then also said something along the lines of, "...and the writer clearly has an issue with her mother." Now, anyone that knows me in real life knows that I had a great relationship with my mother right up until the day she passed. Yes, the story had among it's themes mother / daughter relationships, but I still don't understand how the reviewer thought it was appropriate to correlate something I've written in fiction, to my 'actual' relationship with my mother. And just for the record, to the best of my knowledge, my mother has never faked her own death, started a criminal enterprise in another country, or murdered anyone, let alone her younger lover. But what would I know. I also allowed this one person's negative review carry more weight than the over 20 positive reviews I got on the same piece of writing.

The second was someone I worked with. We were not close colleagues but they were also a writer and I'll admit I allowed myself to be intimidated by the letters after her name. The situation came up when our employer sent the entire team on a 'team building' weekend. I had gone to bed early and this colleague, along with some others, came back to our cabin later in the evening. On finding a book I had been reading on the craft of writing on the coffee table, the colleague laughed and stated that "you can't learn to write from a book, you've either got it or you haven't." Clearly I was never meant to hear the comment and a braver me would have got up and confronted her, but I wasn't brave and on some level I think I thought perhaps she might be right.

Both of these situations arose very early in my 'writing' journey. I didn't know I wanted to be a writer until my late twenties and the imposter syndrome was well and truly established undermining my confidence at every turn. The fact that I allowed the comments from two people, who I can't even remember their names, have such a profound impact, is on me. All me! It didn't matter how my hubby told me to ignore them and believe in myself the way he believed in me. They had 'free rent' inside my head for way longer than they should have. Every now and then those comments and those insecurities, the imposter syndrome, and all the things that I think every single writer experiences at one time or another, recur for me too. However, over the years I've developed some strategies to deal with it.

Remember that it's not personal

Rejection and criticisms are not reflections of your worth as a person or a writer. They are opinions, and opinions can vary widely depending on the taste, mood, and expectations of the reader. Don't take them too seriously or let them affect your self-esteem.

Learn from the feedback

Rejection and criticism can also be valuable sources of information and improvement. Instead of dismissing them or getting defensive, try to see what you can learn from them. Is there something you can do better in your writing? Is there something you can clarify or explain more? Is there something you can cut or add? Use the feedback as a guide to revise and polish your work.

Seek positive feedback

Rejection and criticism can discourage, especially if they come from people you respect or admire. But they are not the only voices that matter. You should also seek positive feedback from people who support you and appreciate your writing. Find a writing group, a mentor, a friend, or a family member who can give you honest and constructive praise. Listen to their compliments and let them boost your confidence and motivation.

Keep writing

The most important thing to do when you face rejection and criticism is to keep writing. Don't let the fear of failure or judgement stop you from pursuing your passion and expressing your voice. Writing is a skill that practice and perseverance can only improve. The more you write, the better you will get, and the more chances you will have to find your audience and achieve your goals.

Don't let rejection or criticism stop you. Use feedback to improve, seek supportive voices, and continue writing. Every draft brings you closer to mastering your craft and finding your audience. If you have any other suggestions for how to deal with rejection and criticism of your writing, please add them to the comments below.

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